This is rich. Five senior military leaders representing five nations have authored a report advising NATO on future policy. Among its more charming excerpts:

The first use of nuclear weapons must remain in the quiver of escalation as the ultimate instrument to prevent the use of weapons of mass destruction.

Indeed! Because, really, there’s no better way to “prevent the use of weapons of mass destruction” than “the first use of nuclear weapons!” Unless, of course, you consider nuclear weapons to be weapons of mass destruction…

In related news, these same military strategists advised teenagers to prevent pregnancy by having a quick fuck.